Sheena Was Here

Now......I/we had a Eucalyptus tree.....It flourished in our garden in the past....it reached for the skies....it was....pollarded..(I think that's the term they used...)   It has since died a death... Leaving the totem...Which the man has been to view and is returning int' future to remove... leaving a stump....Probably to be used as a seat maybe?...Now....be that as it may...I wonder?...do I take heart that it'll be used for something for  erm  ... bottoms to rest upon?...Maybe.....but it's such a shame...It won't be either of our bottoms...but some unknown persons who will purchase this house int' future...That's a fact now...the future is changing...just like the poor Eucalyptus....

Maybe my life is tied in with it?...It seemed once it's branches were curtailed from trying to reach the skies, I searched for a way to do the same myself, in a way took it's place maybe?... 'cos I've been looking back at my blogs...some dark, some a lighter shade of dark, some a darker shade of light...and come to the happy conclusion I don't really know that person any more....The time of pain is over...I have a future to look forward to...I have hope...I have a dream...and if it comes true...well....I will truly fly... Of course it'll be somewhere different , somewhere giving a chance of a new life...and if I don't reach for it....it'll be my fault and my fault alone...Life is what you make of it...So, make dreams come true why don't I?

Now......this truly is goodbye...the house is being prettied up for selling...Mike and I are going our separate ways...then the skies the limit as they say... I have loved my time on Spaces, truly enjoyed the to-ing and fro-ing to your sites, it filled a 'space' (pardon the pun)..in my life over the past one and a half years...and I found solace with my friends on here...

Good luck to you all for the future... Happy Blogging.........................Sheena...................xx

......................my trademark.........full stops ...a whole line sometimes...or maybe just 3?...
I do so love the descriptive way it fills a space....It means a 'joining up' to me......no gaps between words,.........no pauses....no way you can ignore the full stop or a line of them...

A full stop. Suddenly that's it...the end...slap bang wallop...there's nowhere else to go, no more words, the dialogue has ended abruptly...You've finished the story, the poem,  or just the letter you're reading...The main point is that you've finished.  THE END.... There is no flow....

I suppose that's what I want from life...a flowing...a connection...no saying goodbye...just Au Revoir...There are far too many painful goodbyes you have to go through in this life...The line of full stops softens the parting ....don't you think?......

Then again maybe it's just me........being  ....me?..................

This is it...I have made decisions which affect life as I know/knew it...and the small circle of people around me...so...a few friends have decided to leave me to it...others still want to know I'm ok...I can only thank you who are still calling round to leave comments, and say thank you for caring...

Sasha is fine... insomuch as her arthritis will let her get on with her life... Mike is reeling from the results of my actions....and I?... Reality has come crashing through my turret window & I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts...always my thoughts...Circling... This is my life...and I mean to live it from now on...not just exist...Maybe that's selfish... I have no way of knowing, I am just being me..........

Bye, and take care..................Sheena.................xx

do you ever think

who you really are and question of yourself why...

why did I get the chance to live my life, then die...

life is so short, with happiness there for the taking...

are you the one holding back with realisation waking?

of love, life & reasons why your path went so wrong...

asking if I take a detour, will I be safe  & where I belong

as time waits for no man or woman, yet why be it so

that you only get one chance at this life,  do you just let go....

let go any thought of the why's, the wherefore's and the fears

this life is a gift, don't ever waste it looking back weeping tears

of anguish for what you've missed, you're at the helm, you can try

to reach for the stars, a heartbeat away, go on I beg of you,  just fly..........

copyright......................©............SIW............MMVIII

Bye For Now...............................

'Tis a strange day...Early this morning...whilst listening to prose spoken by a very sexy voice to take my mind off the forthcoming event, there was apparently an Earthquake...(5.3 on the Richter scale)  Sasha kicked me whilst waking abruptly from sleep....& I thought the next door neighbour was doing her usual early morning thumping & banging...but no....wasn't repeated so....So, back to listening ...

This morning, woken by the alarm,  I faced the day of the operation...small though it be...it weighed large on my mind...So, ready for the off, (after receiving texts from Our Sarah & Mags...Mwahs to you both...kept my mind occupied doing t'texts ...sorry for the blank one Mags!!)... Face on & dressed for the kill...I know , an unfortunate choice of words...but meaningful to my state of mind...Caught the germ carrier to reach the surgery for the 11.00 o'clock appointment  ... arriving at about 10.40am I found I wasn't just 20 mins early...apparently the appointment was for 11.20am...So, on being asked whether I wanted to call back or not...my mind flickered & I had a quick momentary thought of scarpering...but sense prevailed & I said 'No, I'd better stay...thanks'. ...Which turned out to be the best option...The Doctor came into the waiting room called out my name & wanted a quick look before the OP...So, lying ont' couch...he checked the left upper leg/cheek area & pronounced a cyst ...or so he thought...& then off I tried to go, to escape back to the waiting room... to which he said "This way,'"pointing to another door "we'll do it in here right now,  as my next appointment hasn't turned up.'"Wow... lucky me eh?....Gulp.

So,  after signing a consent form...I lay on my front on the couch...talking when spoken to whilst laying my head on the pillow,  I just closed my eyes & floated....Strange really...He left me to find the practice nurse, but she was off sick...so the Head of the practice came in to cover & away we...erm.went?....Joking all the way...It was amazing...The anesthetic was the worst thing...the needle...but after that... I just chatted about the recent earthquake...the need for lipo-suction & could he do it at the same time?... In answer to which he patted my bum & said I didn't need any....so me smiling, suitably cheered by a male voice saying...you're thin enough... Blimey...thin?.. moi`?... That Doctor is now my Hero!!

Right...to get back to the reason for being there...He cut it out & end of story hopefully...He then asked if I wanted  to see it before he placed it in the specimen bottle for analysis...& I faltered a bit...seeing stars...but steadied & thought why not?...So I did....& I didn't faint at all...I had a momentary thought that I should've had my camera handy...but no...Too much info eh?  It actually seems there's a limit to what I'll take a photo of...wonders will never cease..
So, maybe watching Holby, Casualty & CSI have done the trick?...I'm maybe cured of my dicky stomach turning over at the sight of anything faintly  erm...off!!..... Stitched up (he mentioned cross stitch)...covered with a dressing & tape, then warned that I'll have trouble sitting down..."I hardly do"  I said..Lying through my teeth...I was allowed to stand...& was offered the instruments he'd used to take home. Apparently everything is thrown away, everything that's used, metal instruments, the lot....What a flipping waste, they seemed so mad about it...but it's the rules & they have to follow procedure... A throwaway Society an' no mistake...Proof is in this photo>>>>

Criminal Waste I call it.....What price recycling to help the planet?..

Anyway...I had an adventure today...all on my own, I did it, me , Sheena, the worlds worst patient...Stitches out next Friday...*& the results a week after that...Isn't life grand eh?
Oh & it's flipping uncomfortable sitting here...Maybe I'll just wander about a bit, the anesthetics wearing off!!

Bye For Now.............

There's a scent that lingers, from long ago...I try to grasp at it without much success...My Nan used to send me out to the shops for it...Evening In Paris, I think it was called...I try my best to recall what it was like...but it's faded...along with my memories of her face...I have a black and white photo of her  somewhere which doesn't do her justice, but in my mind it's the 'feeling' of her I miss rather than the actual sight of her, if you know what I mean...She was My Nan, I spent so much of my childhood time with her...When she was mobile, she took me to church, on visits to relatives, in fact I suppose you could say, I was her constant companion ...In this way I think I was an 'old' child...spending most of my free time, up to the age of about 12-13, with older people... taught to speak only when spoken to...Nothing difficult there, I was a shy child...but 'thought' a lot, serious too, very very serious...Our Mam used to pull my long hair back in a pony tail...Tight, then even tighter...(almost a punishment?)...and I felt totally unable to hide...No sweep of hair to shyly hide behind...So I stared...learned to stare to cover up...

Until I hit back... It was my birthday & I had some money...My brother and a visiting cousin went to the barbers...& I tagged along...I don't think It was a truly foresighted plan...it just happened...I stood next to the barbers chair... staring hard at my brother as his hair was cut with the electric razor and then finished off with scissors and comb...I remember thinking 'if only'...& started to talk to the barber about cutting my hair...I don't remember how I managed it...to talk him into it, I think my brother got caught up in the fabrication that I had permission from my parent...So, the thrill...I can still remember watching in the mirror...hair so short...scary in fact...until realizing far too late ...I'd have to face Our Mam and of course my Nan.

My cousin had a hat with him,  so he  plonked it on my head...and away home we went...To my Aunties house where Nan was staying...I tried to keep in the background...but Nan was having none of it..."Sit here Our Sheena"  she said... always near her..."and take off that silly hat."...So, uncovered...found out, and of course me crying...It was his fault...pointing at my hapless brother...Little beast that I was... coward  ...The cries of ...Oh you poor girl....Your beautiful hair...No wonder you're crying...No thought that I was the