Sheena Was Here

ADDENDUM.....(or PS if you like)..................

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:16:08 GMT

Hello there, just an update to let you know I'm still alive and kicking...

I'm still fighting Pandora ....I think the old girl's trying very hard to stop me penning this ...erm..missive?...It seems while something's going on in the background she slows ...a go slow I suppose?....

A bit like life at the moment.....nothing's changed..insomuch as where we all are....

Sasha's playing int' garden, in the sunshine.....with Mike.....I'm sitting here typing..(trying my best)....The house is floundering in a slow selling housing market.....

SLOW see?..

That seems to be the word for the moment...I suppose sometimes....slow is best?

Take things slowly...Mind you ...if I slow down any more I'll grind to a halt...

COUNTING TIME ?

In this age of saving precious time

for what?, for where?, for whom?.

of hoarding each second like gold dust..

as if every lost minute spells doom...

hurrying all the while, we move so fast,

not counting the cost to our souls...

racing from A to B...as if driven at speed

to our life's end, finally facing our lost goals

Was it worth it?..the hoarding, the saving..

as if life's a game or a lottery to end soon?

why not slow down, take time, look around you

take stock of who you are, where you really belong

for without knowing yourself, you have no answers

at 'Game Over', it's too late ...your time has gone...

Copyright.....©.....................SIW.... MMVIII.........................

A Totem Goodbye................

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:17:07 GMT

Now......I/we had a Eucalyptus tree.....It flourished in our garden in the past....it reached for the skies....it was....pollarded..(I think that's the term they used...) It has since died a death... Leaving the totem...Which the man has been to view and is returning int' future to remove... leaving a stump....Probably to be used as a seat maybe?...Now....be that as it may...I wonder?...do I take heart that it'll be used for something for erm ... bottoms to rest upon?...Maybe.....but it's such a shame...It won't be either of our bottoms...but some unknown persons who will purchase this house int' future...That's a fact now...the future is changing...just like the poor Eucalyptus....

Maybe my life is tied in with it?...It seemed once it's branches were curtailed from trying to reach the skies, I searched for a way to do the same myself, in a way took it's place maybe?... 'cos I've been looking back at my blogs...some dark, some a lighter shade of dark, some a darker shade of light...and come to the happy conclusion I don't really know that person any more....The time of pain is over...I have a future to look forward to...I have hope...I have a dream...and if it comes true...well....I will truly fly... Of course it'll be somewhere different , somewhere giving a chance of a new life...and if I don't reach for it....it'll be my fault and my fault alone...Life is what you make of it...So, make dreams come true why don't I?

Now......this truly is goodbye...the house is being prettied up for selling...Mike and I are going our separate ways...then the skies the limit as they say... I have loved my time on Spaces, truly enjoyed the to-ing and fro-ing to your sites, it filled a 'space' (pardon the pun)..in my life over the past one and a half years...and I found solace with my friends on here...

Good luck to you all for the future... Happy Blogging.........................Sheena...................xx

The Full Stop...................

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:40:03 GMT

......................my trademark.........full stops ...a whole line sometimes...or maybe just 3?...
I do so love the descriptive way it fills a space....It means a 'joining up' to me......no gaps between words,.........no pauses....no way you can ignore the full stop or a line of them...

A full stop. Suddenly that's it...the end...slap bang wallop...there's nowhere else to go, no more words, the dialogue has ended abruptly...You've finished the story, the poem, or just the letter you're reading...The main point is that you've finished. THE END.... There is no flow....

I suppose that's what I want from life...a flowing...a connection...no saying goodbye...just Au Revoir...There are far too many painful goodbyes you have to go through in this life...The line of full stops softens the parting ....don't you think?......

Then again maybe it's just me........being ....me?..................

This is it...I have made decisions which affect life as I know/knew it...and the small circle of people around me...so...a few friends have decided to leave me to it...others still want to know I'm ok...I can only thank you who are still calling round to leave comments, and say thank you for caring...

Sasha is fine... insomuch as her arthritis will let her get on with her life... Mike is reeling from the results of my actions....and I?... Reality has come crashing through my turret window & I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts...always my thoughts...Circling... This is my life...and I mean to live it from now on...not just exist...Maybe that's selfish... I have no way of knowing, I am just being me..........

Bye, and take care..................Sheena.................xx

Do you Ever?.........

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 10:40:04 GMT

do you ever think

who you really are and question of yourself why...

why did I get the chance to live my life, then die...

life is so short, with happiness there for the taking...

are you the one holding back with realisation waking?

of love, life & reasons why your path went so wrong...

asking if I take a detour, will I be safe & where I belong

as time waits for no man or woman, yet why be it so

that you only get one chance at this life, do you just let go....

let go any thought of the why's, the wherefore's and the fears

this life is a gift, don't ever waste it looking back weeping tears

of anguish for what you've missed, you're at the helm, you can try

to reach for the stars, a heartbeat away, go on I beg of you, just fly..........

copyright......................©............SIW............MMVIII

Bye For Now...............................

Collecting Another Scar........

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:02:41 GMT

'Tis a strange day...Early this morning...whilst listening to prose spoken by a very sexy voice to take my mind off the forthcoming event, there was apparently an Earthquake...(5.3 on the Richter scale) Sasha kicked me whilst waking abruptly from sleep....& I thought the next door neighbour was doing her usual early morning thumping & banging...but no....wasn't repeated so....So, back to listening ...

This morning, woken by the alarm, I faced the day of the operation...small though it be...it weighed large on my mind...So, ready for the off, (after receiving texts from Our Sarah & Mags...Mwahs to you both...kept my mind occupied doing t'texts ...sorry for the blank one Mags!!)... Face on & dressed for the kill...I know , an unfortunate choice of words...but meaningful to my state of mind...Caught the germ carrier to reach the surgery for the 11.00 o'clock appointment ... arriving at about 10.40am I found I wasn't just 20 mins early...apparently the appointment was for 11.20am...So, on being asked whether I wanted to call back or not...my mind flickered & I had a quick momentary thought of scarpering...but sense prevailed & I said 'No, I'd better stay...thanks'. ...Which turned out to be the best option...The Doctor came into the waiting room called out my name & wanted a quick look before the OP...So, lying ont' couch...he checked the left upper leg/cheek area & pronounced a cyst ...or so he thought...& then off I tried to go, to escape back to the waiting room... to which he said "This way,'"pointing to another door "we'll do it in here right now, as my next appointment hasn't turned up.'"Wow... lucky me eh?....Gulp.

So, after signing a consent form...I lay on my front on the couch...talking when spoken to whilst laying my head on the pillow, I just closed my eyes & floated....Strange really...He left me to find the practice nurse, but she was off sick...so the Head of the practice came in to cover & away we...erm.went?....Joking all the way...It was amazing...The anesthetic was the worst thing...the needle...but after that... I just chatted about the recent earthquake...the need for lipo-suction & could he do it at the same time?... In answer to which he patted my bum & said I didn't need any....so me smiling, suitably cheered by a male voice saying...you're thin enough... Blimey...thin?.. moi`?... That Doctor is now my Hero!!

Right...to get back to the reason for being there...He cut it out & end of story hopefully...He then asked if I wanted to see it before he placed it in the specimen bottle for analysis...& I faltered a bit...seeing stars...but steadied & thought why not?...So I did....& I didn't faint at all...I had a momentary thought that I should've had my camera handy...but no...Too much info eh? It actually seems there's a limit to what I'll take a photo of...wonders will never cease..
So, maybe watching Holby, Casualty & CSI have done the trick?...I'm maybe cured of my dicky stomach turning over at the sight of anything faintly erm...off!!..... Stitched up (he mentioned cross stitch)...covered with a dressing & tape, then warned that I'll have trouble sitting down..."I hardly do" I said..Lying through my teeth...I was allowed to stand...& was offered the instruments he'd used to take home. Apparently everything is thrown away, everything that's used, metal instruments, the lot....What a flipping waste, they seemed so mad about it...but it's the rules & they have to follow procedure... A throwaway Society an' no mistake...Proof is in this photo>>>>

Criminal Waste I call it.....What price recycling to help the planet?..

Anyway...I had an adventure today...all on my own, I did it, me , Sheena, the worlds worst patient...Stitches out next Friday...*& the results a week after that...Isn't life grand eh?
Oh & it's flipping uncomfortable sitting here...Maybe I'll just wander about a bit, the anesthetics wearing off!!

Bye For Now.............

Cutting Memories.........................

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:08:42 GMT

There's a scent that lingers, from long ago...I try to grasp at it without much success...My Nan used to send me out to the shops for it...Evening In Paris, I think it was called...I try my best to recall what it was like...but it's faded...along with my memories of her face...I have a black and white photo of her somewhere which doesn't do her justice, but in my mind it's the 'feeling' of her I miss rather than the actual sight of her, if you know what I mean...She was My Nan, I spent so much of my childhood time with her...When she was mobile, she took me to church, on visits to relatives, in fact I suppose you could say, I was her constant companion ...In this way I think I was an 'old' child...spending most of my free time, up to the age of about 12-13, with older people... taught to speak only when spoken to...Nothing difficult there, I was a shy child...but 'thought' a lot, serious too, very very serious...Our Mam used to pull my long hair back in a pony tail...Tight, then even tighter...(almost a punishment?)...and I felt totally unable to hide...No sweep of hair to shyly hide behind...So I stared...learned to stare to cover up...

Until I hit back... It was my birthday & I had some money...My brother and a visiting cousin went to the barbers...& I tagged along...I don't think It was a truly foresighted plan...it just happened...I stood next to the barbers chair... staring hard at my brother as his hair was cut with the electric razor and then finished off with scissors and comb...I remember thinking 'if only'...& started to talk to the barber about cutting my hair...I don't remember how I managed it...to talk him into it, I think my brother got caught up in the fabrication that I had permission from my parent...So, the thrill...I can still remember watching in the mirror...hair so short...scary in fact...until realizing far too late ...I'd have to face Our Mam and of course my Nan.

My cousin had a hat with him, so he plonked it on my head...and away home we went...To my Aunties house where Nan was staying...I tried to keep in the background...but Nan was having none of it..."Sit here Our Sheena" she said... always near her..."and take off that silly hat."...So, uncovered...found out, and of course me crying...It was his fault...pointing at my hapless brother...Little beast that I was... coward ...The cries of ...Oh you poor girl....Your beautiful hair...No wonder you're crying...No thought that I was the guilty party...I mean..how could I be?....

My first haircut...Wonderful......but tied in with so much guilt....

Bye For Now.........................

Blindingly Obvious............

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:12:34 GMT

She sighed, yes she did, as she left their meeting place...

so sure of the time, yes she was, although to trace.....

the facts of the where, the why, and surely the how.....

how was he, her love, her life, where was he now?....

she cried bitterly, as she walked down the lane snaking long,...

the place was right but the time? maybe 'twas wrong?....

for if it was wrong, then he'd not be to blame....

if she'd misunderstood, then it was all to her shame....

The place, by the river, was right she was sure...

the time?...looking upwards, straight into sunshine pure.....

which shone blindingly down so that her eyes they did weep...

the tears, leaving long iridescent trails on her cheek....

flushed from an emotion, almost far too strong to bear.....

she cried, she stumbled and was alas never fated to hear.....

the call so far away, from her love, shouted in warning....

she drowned, in the river, never to see another day dawning....

The moral of this tale I think is quite, quite clear.....

In sunshine, wear your sunglasses, or just keep them near.....

copyright....©....Blindingly Obvious.......SIW.......MMVIII................

Bye For Now.....

One Lump Or Two?

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:18:30 GMT

Yesterday I went to the doctors...It was a hurried affair...'cos I hate going..and the lump on my wrist returned on Sunday (which gave me loads of time to look at it and prod) although this time it seems to have created a problem with a vein, it's now a raised ridge leading to my thumb, it hurts , so I was worried. I talked it over with a friend on Monday and came to the conclusion I needed to set my mind at rest... Hence the phone call to my Doctors...(don't know the name 'cos I never go if I can)....I had apparently to claim it as a emergency or I'd only get in two weeks hence...So, fears started...'cos I had to wait 'til after 4 o'clock...I was told I should have rung earlier, as it's easier to be fitted in that day...then the female voice changed to a soft tone, saying "I'm not telling you off Sheena, just letting you know the system"...You know, I wish I knew what was in my notes ... I've never asked to see them...Maybe it says I'm a cry baby, liable to faint at the drop of a hat?... Would be nothing but the truth....

Anyway...to cut the story short, whilst seeing this stranger of a female doctor... who said I just had to wait it out...with the lump...best to leave it alone...But it feels so odd, ( just fiddling with it now)...I mentioned another lump which had changed in size...on the top of my leg, been there for years...I kept putting it to the back of my mind... I mean...nothing to worry about...not on the breast or anything...I had to drop my trousers, good job I was wearing my nice teddie... a lovely blue colour with white lace edging...the upshot was apparently ... it's worrying (the lump not the teddie) ...and needs an operation...BUT another doctor does small operations in the surgery...with Local anesthetic and stuff... So. Feb 27th was the soonest (gulp, next Wednesday)... Operation day...How on earth do I stay conscious if someone's cutting a hole in me?...Do I watch?...I mean...I'm bad enough just talking to a doctor, never mind that nightmare scenario...

Well, it looks like I'm finally getting out and about more...Tomorrow's Sashas weighing day...The vet was worried about loss of weight last time we were there, so we now have to call down just to weigh her...so...busy busy...Not the way I would have wanted, but ... strewth... you never know what's going to happen next ...now do you?

Bye For Now....................

MY SONG..........

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 21:45:45 GMT

Single release (1979):

(Mike Batt)

The early light is breaking

The morning sun is waiting in the sky

And I think I'm gonna break away

And follow where the birds of freedom fly

I need to give, I need to live

For the world is slowly turning

And the lights of love are burning in my eyes

CHORUS :

Caravans, oh my soul is on the run

Overland, I am flying

Caravans moving out into the sun

Oh I don't know where I'm going

But I'm going

Wish I had the wisdom

To find some simple words to make you see

The things that mean a lot to you

Don't always seem to mean a lot to me

I need to breathe, I need to leave

When the sands of time go drifting by

I may be on my own

But I'll be free

CHORUS :

Caravans, oh my soul is on the run

Overland, I am flying

Caravans moving out into the sun

Oh I don't know where I'm going

But I'm going

Link...........

Caravan Song.......You Tube......

When I first heard this...I loved the song...the music, the lyrics..but now?....The lyrics have taken on life, a meaning...

Do you have ....Your Song?....A meaningful song for you?

Bye For Now....................

Future Technology...........

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:40:52 GMT

Takes me a while to settle myself at the keyboard in front of Pandora's monitor...I first see if AVG has kicked in...(sometimes it hides, I have no idea why)...Then I choose the music...which takes a while...Why? why is it...no matter how many albums & singles you have stored, Windows Media Player in my case, it takes a while to settle for something which is just right...Same when choosing a DVD to watch...finding the one...Seems as if you're spoilt for choice...

Spoilt for choice...so many options...This modern world, where technology is at our fingertips, whatever we want is available and we don't stint ourselves... If there's something needs buying...there it is, through either credit or cash, anything needs replacing, well there you go...throw out the old one and buy the latest up to date gadget...Trouble is, once you buy the latest, there's something new just out on the market which seems so much better ...Technology, always gaining ground, new innovations, moving one step ahead, how on earth do you keep up with it?...Once you've bought something it's almost out of date as you take it home...(alright a trifle exaggerated but you know what I mean?) Makes you wonder what there is left to be discovered in the future......

Now, here's a couple of predictions made in times past...Just shows you how wrong people can be...about anything........

1/ "There will be a world market for maybe 5 computers"

Thomas Watson...Chairman of IBM - 1943

(IBM sold over 5 million in the last year alone)

2/ "Television won't last.
People will get sick of staring at a plywood box"

Darryl Zanuck, Executive Producer for 20th Century Fox - 1946

      Television has gone from strength to strength & the plywood box
      has become anything from a Widescreen TV to a complete Home
      Entertainment Centre.......

I wonder what predictions are being made now?.........

Bye For Now.....

A Strange Day...........

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:26:25 GMT

Today's been a strange day...In fact a very strange day....

It started slow...and continued exactly the same way,

I never seemed to quite grasp any vivid sensation,

of knowing which way I was going, in which direction.

This strange, strange day...where fact seemed to crumble,

and the edge of reason, of any sense taking a tumble..

just like fiction as I looked 'round for any sign of knowing

Where I was, where I'd been...or even where I was going...

This strange strange day, which seemed almost a dream...

What have I done?...What have I achieved?...Nothing it would seem......

I sat here , waiting, forever waiting, for what seemed like an age.,

No wonder I need a life, or mayhap a key to my self-made cage?........

copyright......©......SIW..................MMVIII

BYE FOR NOW

MSN has a lot to answer for....................XXXX

Think before you.......?

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:26:43 GMT

She sat there, staring at the keyboard, not able to believe her eyes., hardly able to believe that the characters had taken on a life of their own. If she pressed a key it changed, it actually changed...of it's own volition. She'd tried to type the usual tester' The Quick Brown Fox' etc...and what had happened was...this question appeared on the document she was typing

#"What dost thou require?'#

She knew...she just knew she hadn't typed those words...A bad typist at best... muddled letters at worst but not that question...and anyway..it was typed correctly...Impossible...Which in a strange way, underlined the fact something odd was going on... So, she highlighted the sentence & deleted. Hoping that was it...Concentrating, very hard, she started typing the list of things she wanted to remember on the shopping list for tomorrow...Now she had to stare at the keyboard, looking up every now and again, as she wasn't a proficient touch typist...Some hope...but she did cope...She stopped her fingers in mid air... looking at the question which now appeared...

#"Thou art sure?...Art thou absolutely sure this is truly thy wish?'.#....

Highlighting & deleting again...getting a bit worried but trying to ignore her fears...she continued with the list, telling herself there was nothing 'odd' going on...She raised her head again...hoping against hope that her list would appear on the page, Bananas, Oranges, Potatoes, Carrots, Milk, her usual list, as she visualized Tesco's store layout..& therefore the order of the items...one by one...

#"Verily...thou canst have five items...Five wishes....They are granted'#

Suddenly, there by her feet, the items appeared one by one...the Bananas, Oranges, Potatoes, Carrots, Milk,...only so much of it...So that the whole of the floor, the whole bedroom was littered...with fruit and vegetables...no sign of the carpet anywhere....Also, just as suddenly, she realised that the milk would not appear in handy bottles...Strewth, how would it appear?....OH grief, surely not pouring please.?...As if in answer a cow appeared on the bed...Her Udders full to overflowing...Ah well...not a mess thank goodness...She sighed with relief....Too soon obviously...as the cow...mooed, lifted her tail and erm... dumped a cow pat on the duvet... S**t.... Precisely!!!...

So, getting quite...cross...at the noise and the littered floor...She tried to type a question....

"What the ......flip...is this?."....Nothing....

"What is going on?.... Answer me?." No reply......

Taking a deep breath...Thinking hard...No way...no way had she just spoilt five wishes... She could have wished for...the World? World Peace....End to famine...(mind you enough here to feed how many??)... anything...It was totally mind boggling...She told herself she'd imagined it all, everything ... She'd wake up soon...Although, painfully pinching herself, she realised she wasn't going to wake up...she was definitely awake and she was surrounded by her shopping list....plus Cow.......

Trying not to think of missed opportunities...and still mistyping questions.... Ah? Hang on ...maybe that was it....?

"What is going on?" she typed ever so carefully....This time she got a reply...

#"Thou hast received thy order? Thy five wishes?"#

"Yes," she typed in dawning horror,,,"but I didn't understand...I wasn't....."....

#"Art thou complaining?....#

"No....erm...Yes...I mean....." Her fingers stuttered to a halt....What the flip did she mean.. and what or who was she talking to?...

"Could I please know precisely what's going on?" What exactly was on offer here?."

#"Switching to modern English.."#.
#" You were given Five Wishes... Your keyboard, the Microsoft Digital Media pro .Keyboard to be precise...Serial No...7571002132381...Yours ? #

"Yes "...she'd turned the thing upside to check..and yes...hers...

#"One special function key . Now defunct....now used...gave you the opportunity of the five wishes...Your order has been received...NO refunds...NO returns..No changing your mind...End of transmission."#

'Can you at least take the cow back?" she typed carefully...pleadingly...but no response.......

Anyone want a cow?...Fancy a carrot?

copyright........©.......SIW........MMVIII

Ah Well....dream on sunshine.......& Bye For Now........

Let There be Light.....

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:27:06 GMT

Suddenly the light went out,... just for a mad second I thought I'd gone blind...a by-product I supposed...of spending too much time staring at this monitor I mean ...But no, the monitor was still lit up...Pandora was thrumming away...So, the main light switch had finally given up the ghost...It had been flickering for ages... but I hadn't dare tackle the thing...I'd end up being fried or worse by fusing the whole house...So, after a week or two of putting up with switching it on 'just so' with the pressure in the right place or else, usually taking ...ooooh...ages?...it's finally admitted defeat. Kaput.
Mike had said he'd do it...

I called to Mike...& the weary process of isolating the Leccy supply to the lighting upstairs & switching it off...Always best eh?...Although the thumping result of being electrocuted is one that I have been through...But why?...if it's erm...at all avoidable...Then finding all the tools 'n' stuff...resulting in me holding the torch, Mike removing the cover & discovering the wires had parted with the thingy holders...I tested said wires...with my finger...totally accidentally but they were dead. The wires, not my fingers. Fine so far, ...

As the cover had been in Mike's possession all the time, I felt sure he'd turned it upside down... We started the process of arguing which way up the cover went... We went with Mike's way...(It was upside down)...He attached said wires, they were too short, the electrician had allowed only so far of spare leeway.. and It wouldn't fit back in place...A junction fitment & extra wire later...long enough & re-wired, the cover was at last in place...It was upside down..

It was dark...it was late, so Mike went down to turn the supply back on...He'd left the light switch in the 'Off' position...It came on....with the supply....It was upside down...

Say no more...Now would I?...anyway....it works...that's all I wanted, even if it is..... what I said.....................Bye For Now

Fear......

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:33:15 GMT

Have you ever been scared for your very life?...

Ever wondered if you'll see the next morning?...

Have you ever thought this is my due, my strife.?.....

Ever been relieved to see the next day dawning?

This person, this body, this mind, this very soul,

Have you ever wondered, who you are, what makes you whole?

Just one mistake in this life could cost you so dear....

but how to live your life fully ... held back by such fear?

You have to let go, to trust , make your decisions day by day

for that something inside you....a light, a spirit , a guide? shows you the way......

copyright......© .........SIW............MMVIII

Fear, a natural instinct but one which can hold you back....from making any decision..,

I fear change.....I fear the unknown... I fear being alone....I fear death and also I must admit sometimes...I do fear life...

but then I suppose, don't we all at some point ...and we learn by our mistakes don't we?.

Making wrong decisions...making mistakes..So many mistakes in the past...can seem like a chain, link by link holding you back.
Did you ever see A Christmas Carol?...With Jacob Marley's ghost standing there, with the long heavy chain symbolizing his mistakes, the wrongs he did in his life...all the links...such heavy links....Made me shiver with fear.....
Fear does hold you back....But you can learn from it...You can fight it....and maybe you can break the chain.........

Just surmising........musing about my fears......do you have any? and have you overcome them?

Bye For Now..........................

Damsel In Distress!!

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 17:28:53 GMT

"Keep your head down and don't look up...keep your head down..." the mantra, her safety mantra, was echoing through her mind...It was the only way she could cope...The only way she could get past the man...He was there again... waiting ...always waiting...why hadn't she left work an hour later, as she usually did? Trouble was, answering her own question in her mind, there was only so much she could take, so much stalling. It just didn't seem worth the stares of the other workers, who always left as quickly as possible once their shift was over...Also it was so dark...She couldn't leave it any longer...although she'd have to leave on her own, again...

She thought she'd mastered the art of bypassing any problems...walk don't run....confidently & looking as if she had not a care in the world...But the trouble was, she did.....Him.....He was there again, she could see by the faint light shining from the lamp-post outside the empty outbuilding...Her heart leapt as she neared where he stood, slightly leaning against the gate...the exit...Sorry to say, the only exit...or else she would have had an escape route. "Hello, sexy"....he growled... laughing, she could hear it in his voice...Laughing at her...No way would she look directly at him..."You can't keep away eh?" he added...blatantly ignoring the fact she had to get past him, as it was the only path...She'd tried before to just look the other way & squeeze past, but it never worked...She could feel her eyes... watering...her hands starting to shake..."No, control yourself" she struggled with the thought.....Then her mantra changed to ... "Just a few more steps...Just a few more steps"...This time though it was different... this time her hand was grabbed...'NO, NO... he'd changed the rules.'.not that there were any...but to her mind it was the only way she could cope...He pulled her roughly to him..."Now is that nice?...ignoring me all this time? You need a lesson gurly, a lesson in manners"...She struggled, crying out in pain as his fingers dug deeply into her wrist, as her neck was bent awkwardly back, his knee was digging into her stomach, propelling her backwards against the wall..."All this time, all this time, you've been asking for this, begging for it...haven't you?" his voice, excited, lifted at the end in a questioning tone!! ... She tried in vain to get herself free...she could feel herself losing control...she couldn't, he was too strong...No....her mind screamed at her....to get free from the grasping, hurting hands, kick, scratch anything.... just get FREE,... she opened her eyes to see his white face in the moonlight...evil, grinning, enjoying her terror... feeding from it...

Then, just as suddenly she was free & another deep voice was saying "Are you ok?....he hasn't hurt you?"...This time she looked, straight at someone, straight into the face looking at her with such concern...A face so kind, with eyes so dazzling...she almost felt her knees buckle...but she regained control, as she had to, as she'd learned to do all her life..."No" she almost whispered "I'm fine... Only a bit shaken"... Suddenly she realised her nemesis was lying flat out on the ground. Unconscious, felled with a single blow, marvellous...Now if only she could get away, get her breathing back to normal, she could try to pretend nothing had happened, her routine hadn't changed... She was safe,...trying to walk forward she found she was held & pulled back again...This time by her rescuer... "Are you sure you're ok? You look a bit white about the gills?"....

"Don't touch me " she almost growled..."leave me alone, you don't know what you're getting into"...He laughed, actually laughed, & she swung angrily round...Feeling herself losing the control she'd mastered through hours & hours of meditation...The shock of the attack had started the change..."Get away from me...You are not safe" She could see he was puzzled...totally out of his depth with not understanding anything she was saying or about to say..."You have to leave, now, before...... " Her voice trailed away, as she could feel her body, her face, her hands , everything changing... "Run, Run now" she almost screamed..."I can't control this, I'm so, so sorry"...She could see through her changing eyes, the yellow slits they were now becoming...that he was mesmerized by the sight.... standing stock still not MOVING, 'Why? why didn't he run?' She towered above him, her eyes streaming with tears, she'd changed into her alter-ego, the 6ft, powerful She- Werewolf...her body now sleek, covered with soft fur...gorgeous white silky fur,...& wonderingly she stared, as he laughed out loud, a fantastic deep belly laugh of a sound...which tailed away to a haunting, life threatening HOWL...as he changed too, HE actually changed in front of her...7ft of muscular He- Werewolf...Brilliant dark red fur...Glorious silver white eyes...white flashing death-bringing teeth,..her dream date...

Together they looked down at the man, stretched out, prone on the ground...helpless before them, should they?... shouldn't they?....Up to them I suppose...Who was there to stop them?... and they were hungry!!

BYE FOR NOW..........

Chewing On Things..........

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:24:28 GMT

I ran out of chewing gum yesterday...not a calamity I know...but enough of a bind to have me tearing at my lips again...So yesterday.. I visited my sister...& managed to grab a couple of containers... Cool Breeze flavour... Wrigley's Extra of course....(If I advertise will I get freebies?)....but what I did notice...going through town on my way to catch the second germ carrier out to my sisters place, was the vast amount of chewing gum...on the pavements, the road...in fact almost everywhere...blobs of grey ... flattened & causing unsightly problems to the council in clean up bills...& this is where they've just re-developed ...I've blogged about it before...but it's always worth a mention...Why can't they produce the gum to be biodegradable?...It used to be didn't it?...but for some reason...it has to last longer therefore it's not any more...It seems to be there for all time so why not use it for roofing? or erm..anything, surely something this hard to get rid of should find a better use in life?....

Link:- Chewing Facts.....

Another thing...On my way through town...walking over Nottingham's Market Square...I saw they'd erected a smaller version of The London Eye...Therefore.... we now have our own "Nottingham Eye.."...

link.....http://www.nottinghameye.co.uk/

Looking good eh?....and no...I haven't tried it yet...It's half the size of the London one...Making it look rather like an erm..hamster wheel?. dontchathink?.....

have a great week-end.................bye for now..........................

Sunshine Streaming.............

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:43:22 GMT

The sun shone brightly today...both inside and out....

giving a feeling of happiness, which made me want to shout...

out loud and long .... though no sound came to being ...

but the feeling of wonder, it's still here and I'm seeing...

that the sun has now gone, but the feeling has grown,

it's lingering on inside me and I suppose I must own...

to the fact that I'm so happy, I'm almost grinning...

I hope it lasts some time, 'cos it seems I'm winning...

the inner battle with myself to see each brand new day...

as a stepping stone, a path, with chinks of light to see my way............

Bye for now.....................................

Money For Nothing.......

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:47:54 GMT

Why is it?....Why can't you think of politicians as being honest, down to earth, serve the people type of thing?...Why are we continuously let down?...Whoever you vote for, with a feeling of hope in your heart that something good will finally be the outcome..that a miracle will occur...you just end up with a cynicism that matches their own.....

The latest news of nepotism...paying their near family for work not completed...in fact in one case the son of the politician, who was paid a salary never even showed his face in the office...Too busy at University... Nice for some I say...Paid for his Fees etc I suppose...with a 'little' extra thrown in....

It's bad enough that the Commons can vote in their own pay rise...Although from Newspaper reports in January...they've been advised to accept a below inflation rise....and also to accept the rise being governed in future by a Review Board...IN fact the following statement makes me wonder about the Civil service pay awards....

The SSRB triennial review of MPs recommended a 2.56% increase for 2007/08, Harman announced today.

The review concluded that Gordon Brown and his cabinet ministers earned "substantially less" than the most senior-ranking civil servants who reported to them and "well below" the market rate.

It recommends a series of "modest increases" over the next four years. "We believe their pay fails to reflect their levels of responsibility and also limits the headroom pay of more junior political posts", the pay review report notes.

But MPs were urged to share the pain of other public sector workers, including police, prison officers and nurses, by agreeing to a staged pay rise.

Makes a mockery of the way the cost of living awards are handed out as a matter of course...and how they come to reasoning the way someone should live on the pitiful amount given to job seekers, minimum wage earners & pensioners alike...

Everything that's paid for out of the public purse should be listed, open and above board....no hidden agendas, nothing...and even if the way they do things now are 'allowable' and have always been done that way...Loopholes in the system are found and used...Why should you assume we would like you to go ahead and take...Give back to the country, to the voters who put you there...The country you're supposed to be serving.. and stop helping yourself to a larger piece of the pie!!!

Also, Civil Servants...a completely ironic term for someone who seems to have a secure job, no matter how many mistakes they make, (also the result of which politicians usually have to resign for), and are totally secure in the knowledge that they have pay awards, risk free pensions and in many cases a job for life...Not bad eh?...For a Servant of the nation... The previous Newspaper statement about the earnings of high ranking Civil Servants begs the question surely?....Aren't they being paid too darn much?

Bye For Now..............

How Much?........

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 20:38:30 GMT

Sasha has been to the vets...a statement of fact...She's shown signs of a muscle strain...back leg, since last week, but hardly any signs of improvement...So, I rang the vets this morning, then rang for a taxi... and off we went...There was a waiting period of a few hours, but I thought we'd bypass describing the tension, I hate waiting!! Thank goodness we're a valued customer, of the vets I mean, Christine fitted us in...no problem... Everyone Knows Sash babe...That sweet, lovable erm...bitch, who wouldn't bark at anyone... Sheeesh... butter wouldn't melt...

Of course it was raining...but at least going by taxi made it a non-important fact....different if we were walking but ...great today...She was called into the surgery, (Sasha Watson...Cringe)...and then went through the indignity of being weighed, then had to walk around, from the surgery to the waiting room, (where there were onlookers watching her humiliation) and back again, to show how much she erm... couldn't walk around?...Then her body was prodded and poked...made to stand up and sit down, you could see on her face...the look of sheer disbelief...the thinking.."what on earth...make your mind up!!!."...Then finally, she was injected, given a course of tablets which, if they worked, would be hers to take for the rest of her natural...(Canine Mobility Support? My fevered brain imagined a set of wheels?) and finally out to the waiting room, where she noticed a sweet little child and his pet, and barked at both...Oh..the complete humiliation..."NO of course she loves your little boy... She's just erm...out of sorts?"....Sasha Does not Do children.( She wouldn't bite, she just wants to back away)...I'll re-phrase, Sasha does not enjoy the company of children as they move unexpectedly & quickly, just like small dogs....She sees no need for either of the species... So...Sit Sasha !!! Shut up Sasha,!!! which only left us with the need to pay up...A few pound shy of £100.00 quid...(£93.20 to be brutally precise)...but of course worth every penny. (pity it couldn't have been pennies)

My, my, what a day...but far from routine...and Sash's feeling a bit better...She's just come to fetch me again...You won't believe this but,...she's a bully...She sent me to bed last night at 10 o'clock...Honest!!

Ah well.....gotta go....her maj has spoken.....

Bye for now.....................

Penny For Your Thoughts?.........

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 13:43:54 GMT

Just give me a minute...I'm trying to sort my thoughts out...They're quite a jumble...Ah now...let me see, to begin untangling the various strands.....

For one....I planned to take Sasha out more...She's now having to rest her leg, a muscle strain, and no, 'twasn't because of any walking we did, I never got the chance. Just one morning, there she was, hobbling...so, rest time....which will be a struggle, 'cos she's a dog who needs action...

For two...I can't seem to keep away. I suppose 'Spaces' is like a drug, once tried you never can quite give up that feeling. The feeling?....of having contact with people who don't judge, who just share...Their precious time, their ideas, themselves....We're all searching for something in this life...Whether we find it or not....we have companions on the way, on the journey if you like...We follow the yellow brick road, ...to find the Wizard,.. only to find we hadn't the need to go on the journey in the first place, ...we only needed to believe/trust in ourselves, as the answers inside you ... but have you asked yourself the right question?... Strewth, don't look at me...I'm still searching for the question to the answer to the question of the answer before that...

For three...I ran, always in the past I've run from anything that threatens my 'safeness' my talent of '"head burying" I suppose you could call it ... Run from the knowledge that I was wrong to just shut myself down ... I've found this past year or so on here that very slowly I've faced my ..."devils"... I don't say they're licked...or should I say, beaten, but I now freely admit to myself they're there, not a figment of my very vivid imagination. Nope...I ran...trouble is wherever you run and however far you run...you just can't lose yourself ... Day to day living becomes a trial of endurance...I've endured, now I want to do more than that...

So, this is it...Sort the house out...get it valued...see,? even that thought has woken me up, I'm excited ... and face whatever decisions need to be made...This is my year of action...I've faced the "mirror of self knowing" (Still not found yours? I think mine was int' attic, under the loft insulation...along with that strange gem incrusted chest...never did get back to seeing what was inside it...Yeah Right!!) and accepted the judgement ... I've been procrastinating (lovely word)... enough...Small steps...but about time...

For four...Apologies....for rambling on, like I said at the beginning....a jumble of thoughts, but mine own... and what's the usual answer to "Penny for your thoughts"......?.....

thanks for listening to mine..........& bye for now..........................

PS/ also....so, so, sorry....for worrying you who contacted me when I stupidly closed my site off... Apologies....Feel free to slap my erm..thighs?.....xxx

Photo Album: Update......

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:12:33 GMT

Update......

GIve me the Ball.........JPG

Working at Play.JPG

Framed....Where's Sasha.JPG

Pulling back.JPG

Pulling Back 2.JPG

Pulling back 3.JPG

Lost Totem.JPG

A Giant ....brought to it's knees.JPG

Spot The Boss.JPG

Totem...almost disappearing...JPG

Photo Album: 03 April

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:00:09 GMT

03 April

PICT0222

Photo Album: 10 Years ago.....

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:17:39 GMT

10 Years ago.....

Having a rest

That's mine!

Tug of War

Rematch

Sweetie....

Helping Hand!

The Ball Is Mine!!!

Big nose!!

Come on Then!!!

'Big Ears'

More Photos...

Photo Album: More Photo's From Ireland

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:45:53 GMT

More Photo's From Ireland

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.You Can Only Focus On One.

Pentax K100D.6m Pixels,Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.A Great Tit Caught On The Wing.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,6m Pixels,70-210mm Lens.Blue Tits In Sunshine.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,6m Pixels.A Ghost Dance.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,6m Pixels.Three Chaffinches.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.A Fly Past.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.A Study Of A Chaffinch In Flight.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.Are You Looking For Trouble.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.Beak To Beak Action.

Pentax K100D.Auto Mode,70-210mm Lens.Chaffinch On The Dark Side.

More Photos...